Don't Die, It's Only Hockey

... only hockey? After all my ranting and raving over the Bruins this season, how my boyfriend can honestly think telling me that "it's only hockey" is a rational idea is beyond me. The list of things that will always cheer me up is as follows:

1) Hockey
2) Dana Carvey
3) Titanic
4) Forehead kisses

In that order. When all else fails, it's hockey. A sport that has somehow always been so easy for me to get wrapped up in. I live and die by the Bruins and make no apologies for it. But beyond my love for this team is a love for this game that is absolutely unparalleled.

I'll spare you all the details, if you care to know why Olympic hockey is superior to the NHL, about.com does a great job of summarizing it here. I recommend reading it if you are both unfamiliar with hockey and also planning to watch some of the upcoming matches. If you're in it for the fights, don't bother - they are nonexistent in international play.

"Hockey is entertaining but I don't share your passion for rule variations. I enjoy it for what it is: grown men skating with sticks." Seriously? How I am dating this boy is sometimes far beyond me. But apparently his less-than-obsessive interest in hockey is on par with my absolutely hateful feelings toward Dr. Pepper, we agree to disagree.

The thing is, it's not just grown men skating with sticks. The USA/Canada game yesterday was played well. The most basic of fundamentals were adhered to for a solid sixty minutes. The Canadians out-skated USA but the Americans were able to take better advantage of the elusive powerplay. Each team was comprised 100% of NHL players. So why was that the best hockey game I've seen in a very long time?

Two words: salary cap.

Olympians, by definition, are the best of the best. Salary caps prevent these teams from ever being duplicated by the NHL and I am in support of that. The last thing the NHL needs is the hockey version of the New York Yankees taking over because this would also lead to teams that become the equivalent of oh say, the Padres. Because of the nature of the Olympics, the best of the best from every country are pretty damn good and there aren't too many teams at a disadvantage (okay, if Jamaica had a hockey team, then maybe).

And so, you see, it isn't "only hockey." It's Olympic Hockey. It's sixteen days of the best hockey the world has ever seen. Sixteen days of hockey fundamentals that just aren't a part of the NHL. Sportsmanship that isn't part of the NHL. Beyond anything, it is sixteen days of hockey played the way hockey has always intended to be played. It isn't "only hockey," it's hockey. Plain and simple.

I don't need a boyfriend... I have the Bruins

My relationship with the Bruins started like any other. We were introduced by a mutual friend, and it was love at first sight when I saw how talented, confident, and generally charming the team was (oh and the side of "badass" didn't hurt either). It was from this first meeting that our relationship really began to develop.

Like all good relationships, we're dedicated to each other. I rarely miss a game and even when they lose, they rarely let me down. Sure, sometimes I'll be too busy to watch but it evens out when they have a night of sloppy skating. They make me laugh and they make me cry; they keep me on the edge of my seat and always know just when to surprise me. The emotional roller coaster ride I go through during the hockey season is similar to the one every single boyfriend has ever taken me on.

Our relationship has variety. They keep it spicy and interesting, never using the same tricks too many times. Sometimes it's a good sixty minutes of foreplay with no real action until overtime, sometimes they even keep me waiting in a shootout. But other nights they're down and dirty and score in minutes.

They fight to keep my affection. The second the other team does anything impressive, I can count on Milan Lucic, Shawn Thornton, and Zdeno Chara to throw some punches. You don't mess with the Bruins, they can out-fight anyone in the NHL.

There's a skanky girl on the side that you have to hate. Her name, in this case, is Katherine Tappen. They've been friends for years, she knows everything about them, but they keep her on the sidelines. I still get jealous of their quality time together, though.

Oh and did I mention they're good looking?

Of course, I have a boyfriend; and keeping up two relationships is hard, let me tell you! But it's okay, he's got this thing on the side with the New York Rangers. It keeps things interesting.